Like the Bull to the Matador
by Hypnotica
Summary: RoyEd yaoi songfic. Don't have to know the song to enjoy it, but it's Christopher Lydon by The Dresden Dolls. Onesided love from Ed's point of view, a little sadder than I usually write.


A/N: The song is Christopher Lydon by The Dresden Dolls. The lines inbetween dashes are the lyrics of the song. Ed's point of view. I REALLY hope you like this. A little difficult to write, I like happy endings. Please, please review. It makes me very happy. And don't flame, you were warned of the pairing. I tried to get Ed in character, may have failed miserabley. Only my second FMA fic! Enjoy!

Like the Bull to the Matador

-Clutching the phone till my hands were sore-

I sit, holding the phone in my automail hand, trying very hard not to just crush it in anger. Tears streak down my face, and I don't care. I don't pay any attention. I just sit and debate whether I should call you at your office.

But what would I say? What COULD I say?

What could I say after you explained to me so calmly I was just a teenager with a crush? With that stupid nice smile on your face, the one you use when you're trying to be kind to me, the one I'd never admit I love so much.

-I never understood pain before, Christopher-

I hurt all over, a pain in my head from crying, a pain in my stomach from worrying, and a pain in my chest I don't quite understand.

But somehow I do. Somehow I know it is my heart breaking.

-You cannot know what it does to me  
Hearing you speak with this frequency-

I can hardly go into the office anymore. You're there. And I hear that voice of yours, smooth like velvet. You're not even speaking to me, but that doesn't mean I can't hear. That doesn't mean it hurts less.

-I never knew what one voice could do  
I was in heaven the moment I heard you-

Every time I hear you speak, I lose myself. You're all there is. You may have thought I was zoning out all those times you gave me missions or talked to me about my reports, but I was definetely listening.

How can a voice be so like a drug? Give me a rush, make me feel like everything's fine?

-My friends go out drinking and having fun  
I stay in bed with my headphones on-

Al's worried about me. He can't get me to do anything anymore. All I want to do is lie on the bed all day, or wander aimlessly through the streets of Central. How did you manage to break me so?

-Shot down with arrows from waves above  
Christopher Lydon renounced my love-

You wouldn't even give me a chance. You wouldn't even listen to me. You wouldn't even take me seriously.

-It took so long to get through to you-

I would drop little hints. I never really knew how to flirt, how to seduce, that's your area of expertise. Not mine. You never understood. Not that I expected you to. So I just got angry. I got angry and was rude to you, because I didn't know how to act. I didn't know what to do.

-I never understood sorrow, and now I do-

I've been through so much before. I don't understand it. How can this make me feel even more horrible in completely new ways? After all that I've done, why can't I cope with a simple rejection? Why do I ache inside, a feeling so close to grief? Why does this hurt so much?

-I finally got past your moniter-

At last, you started to clue in. You definetely noticed something. Though I think that might have been my nearly constant blush more than my pathetic flirting.

I thought I might at last be getting somewhere.

-And you broke my heart in two, Christopher-

But you seemed to ignore it. Maybe you teased a little less, but you never asked me how I felt, never made a move, took a chance, a step forward. A step in the right direction.

-Christopher, I am your listener, Christopher-

I listened to all of your complaints, stood through all of your irrtated rambling about budget, protocol, and what the higher ups would do to you if they found out how much freedom you were giving me. I never minded, I got to listen to your beautiful voice.

I wonder what the higher ups would say if they found out how I felt about you?

-I've never felt love like this before, Christopher  
Christopher, now and forevermore, Christopher-

You won't leave my thoughts. You're always there, even when you're not. I've never had these feelings for anyone before, and it's hard to believe I ever could for anyone else. It frightens me a little, though I'd never admit it. I've moved around to much, I don't have any experience with this type of thing.

-I'll never stop saying Christopher, Christopher-

Roy. I love the way your name sounds when I say it. I thought you would love it too, hear the sincerity in my voice, know the depth of my feelings. I just say it over and over again under my breath, as though it'll magically make you appear, magically make you love me back. Roy.

-Finally I knew what I had to do  
I had to make the connection with you-

I had known I had to do it. I couldn't stand it any longer, I had to confess my feelings outright. I had to say it. It needed to be out in the open. My stomach was so twisted with nerves, and I could hardly think. It was, without a doubt, the scariest thing I've ever had to do. I love you, I love you, and you had to know.

-I wouldn't care if you were old and incontinent  
I will be yours til the bitter end-

I know you're older. I know we're superior and subordinate. I know we're both men. I don't care. I love you, I love you and I don't care.

-So during a show about Joan of Arc  
I got through, I said:  
"Christopher Lydon, you've stolen my heart"-

I walked to your office one bright morning, hardly able to breathe, almost chickening out at the last moment. I pushed open the door, marched straight up to your desk, and almost before you could look up, I had said it: "Roy Mustang, I love you."

-When I asked if you felt the same way for me  
You cut me off like a guillotine-

You gave me that kindly smile, that stupid smile that I hate to love. I opened my mouth to ask how you felt about me, but you beat me to it. "Edward, you're young. You're too young to worry about love just yet. It's normal at your age to feel an attraction to older people, especially authority figures. It would never work, Ed. I promise you that."

And the look in your eyes told me you were being nice. You didn't think of me that way, you never had.

I couldn't stop the tears.

I was ashamed, but I couldn't stop the tears.

-Drawn like a bull to a matador-

Your eyes pull me in, blue pools so dark they look black, the windows to your soul. The soul I know is damaged and battered. I want you to let me in, I want to try and fix it. And maybe you could try to fix me?

We're polar opposites. You're always so collected, and even slightly uptight. I'm rash and impulsive and hot headed and get myself in a lot of trouble. I'm attracted to you like a magnet.

-I just see visions of Christopher-

You're in my dreams, almost every single night. They don't even have to be erotic, just as often I dream that you love me and we live a perfect life together. Occasionally I'll have a nightmare that something happens to you, and wake up screaming. Al thinks I'm dreaming about my mistake, our attempt at bringing back mom. I have those dreams too, and when I wake from them I always wish you were there to hold me and tell me it would be alright.

-Shot down by arrows from waves above  
Christopher Lydon renounced my love-

But you didn't take me seriously, oh no. I'm not just a teenager with a crush. I may be young, but I know love. I know it every time I think of you.

-Christopher, I was your prisoner, Christopher-

I'm emprisoned by my love for you. It's with me wherever I go. Even when it hurts, it's with me. Maybe even more then. And trust me, now it hurts.

-I hope you're happy now Christopher, thank you for everything

But I'm not listening anymore nor do I plan to contribute to NPR-

How can I ever listen to you again, when your very voice brings me heartache? Still sitting by the phone, I reach for my watch and run a finger over the case. Can I stand to be near you at all? Can I stand to take your orders when you won't even listen to my words?

-Oh Christopher...is there a chance for me?-

You'll never even give me a chance. You'll never even try to love me. Why do you push me away from you like this? Why won't you give me a chance?

-Christopher...beautiful Christopher-

I know why they call you a ladie's man. I can barely take my eyes off of you. Those eyes, burning with the intensity of the fire that practically flows through your veins. So dark and cold, shieldin the world from the horrors they've seen. Showing courage, pride. Your hair looks soft as silk, I often imagine how it feels to touch it. Your skin nearly glows.

You're absolutely perfect.

And I love you.

-I'm the girl you've been waiting for-

I love you.

END

AN: Again, please review, it makes me happy!


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